Sunday, 6 November 2016

The Vacuum Is Mightier Than the Pen

According to Okemini Otum who shared a video on his Instagram page, angry passengers who were billed to fly Arik Air into Lagos but were delayed for 6 hours due to an overbooked plane, rushed into the next Arik plane that arrived the airport and didn't care if it was their scheduled plane or not. See more photos of the angry passengers after the cut...

Ever lived with a bombastic essayist? I regularly say, "there's nothing goofier than a roomful of journalists." Regardless of the possibility that there's one and only. Me. Besides a life partner who demands to tidy up the hallowed territory of creation, while creation is in advance.

Try not to be senseless. Anyway, a man we might arbitrarily name Ditty thought of that horrendous new precept one day. Prior to the recounting the underhanded deed, however, we require a short superfluous history about that unique more acclaimed adage.

The "pen versus the sword" thing got created by Mr Specialist Noble Edward George Earle Bulwer-Lytton in his 1839 play about French Cardinal Duke Armand Jean du Plessis Richelieu. Serves then both appropriate for getting fathers who gave them long good for nothing names that way. A couple of zillion others have guaranteed credit for that pen and sword saying, however, none ever hit it precisely ideal until Mr Etcetera Bulwer-Lytton.

Anyway, one day "Song" showed the monstrous new precept by rolling a military review vacuum cleaner head over my sorted out individual written work range, where sufficient new drafts and composting materials lay, disapproving of their own bid'ness. This instrument was one of those vacuum connections with tank treads and a cowcatcher, and thundering like a Bremerhaven tramp steamer. None of my stuff got precisely sucked into the vacuum sack, however, the papers experienced a decent crunch and noogie work. The blue gel pen just turned out appalling, being secured with old pieces, a succulent hide ball, and a little pudding spill.

Good, this demonstrated the pen could be quieted by the vacuum. One time. Simply hold up until I get the new paper, the new pen and my old attitude composing mockery at 30 words for every moment. Kid, would the world see my ranking brightness! The main thing is, all future composition apparatuses would dependably be buried, high up some place. Additionally, no one would likely purchase my story in light of the fact that the majority of the world would favour the vacuum.

Take note of: some school stamped the Latin variant of "pen versus the sword" over its entryway: Calamus Gladio Fortior. Over my written work zone, this "Ditty" would change that to Electrolux Calamo Fortior. For hell's sake! I would, in any event, concur that vacuums suck.

The Perusing...

That Vacuum story is valid.

No, it isn't. Just incompletely. It couldn't be any more obvious, I wrote it and read it so everyone can hear to her. I read it to her at an adjacent lake stop. We had sub sandwiches and I read it to her while we crunched. Exceptionally sentimental. I then inquired as to whether she preferred the story.

She adores me, obviously. So I say, "How did all that turnout?"

"Awesome," she sez.

She adores me.

"All things considered, anything should be changed?" sez I once more.

"All things considered, yes," she sez, crunching, "next time Poppy's sub needs out and out oil-n-vinegar dressing."

From "Brilliant Beast, A Lively Push from Pessimists and Geezers," by Pole A. Walters, Omerga Man Press, Distributed 2015.

"Vacuum Mightier Than the Pen" republished to pay tribute to National Spouse Day, some place around September 22. I think.